Guidelines for Quit-Itch
(Sorta exact rules – Refs interpretations are final)
Be nice to your Refs – You might score (even after the game).
You know the famed game in the Harry Potter books and movies? This isn’t it, but kinda sorta like it. Here’s the basics you’ll need to know!
Field: Standard soccer field, more or less.
Goal Tender [1/team] – Goalie is only team member permitted to touch the quaffle with his/her hands. Will wield a blocking implement (adapted lacrosse goalie stick).
Snatch – Ring-mounted golden g-string will be on a string attached to the end of a pole. The Snatch-Bearer will swing it in circles overhead while moving about and may roam anywhere on or off the field.
Snatcher [1/team] – Comparable to the “Seeker”, equipped with a large finger. Snatcher must finger the snatch, thrusting the finger all the way into the hoop. If the snatch gets packed, the game is over and the packing team wins while the opposing team goes packing.
Budgers [3] – Volleyballs or dodgeballs… some kind of balls.
Beaters [2/team] – armed only with a broom, they use it like a croquet mallet/hockey stick to hit budgers at the chasers (see below). Head of the broom may never rise above the waist.
Quaffle – Anatomically-shaped bean bag – screaming orange – 1-2 lbs.
Goal – Overlapped rings secured to the top bar of the soccer goal frame.
Chasers [3/team] – Use lacrosse sticks to throw/catch the quaffle. May not touch the quaffle with hands but must scoop it up if it falls. If struck by a budger and they fail to ward it off with a shoe or their lacrosse stick, must drop the quaffle wherever they are (if they have it) and tag their own goal area before returning to play.
Boundary regulations: If the quaffle and/or the chaser carrying it goes/steps out of bounds, possession is transferred to the opposing team at the point where departure was made.
Points:
Goals – Cheek: 5 points – Hole: 20 points
Packed Statch: 100 points
Timing: Each session 5 minutes (max).
Fouls:
Touching the Snatch-Bearer – Penalty: player must tag their own team’s goal area before being allowed to resume play. This could be a long haul if they’re WAY outside the field area.
Striking another player with lacrosse stick or broom – Penalty: 5 points deducted from score and must tag their own team’s goal area before being allowed to resume play. If in possession of the quaffle, it must be abandoned at the point of the violation and play resumes without them.
Broom raised above the waist – Penalty: Beater must hug and audibly apologize to closest member of the opposing team. Beaters willfully holding their broom aloft and hugging all members of the opposing team may be ejaculated from the game for impeding its progress (even though that may be a really fun way to get ejaculated).